7 posts tagged “editing”

I finished putting in the changes to Nine and along the way I lost about 5400 words (current WC around 47k). I made one of the cuts I was hoping to do but I didn't make any huge changes to the general storyline. Now I think I'm going to have to reread w/o working on it if I want to figure out what happens next.

Or of course I can do a harsh edit on RFM but since it's still in the hands of one agent, I think I'll hold off. Plus I'm totally digging the book I'm reading that I didn't write and I want to finish it.

So I finished my edit on WS at like 3 a.m. the other night. It's a good sign when you can't put a book down, even if you know what happens in it. Now I just need an agent to feel the same way...

That said...

I need another ellipse here, I think...

Anyhoo, I'm having such residual Jakefeeling that I'm really not able to plunge into another book right now (in terms of editing or writing). Luckily Jam recommended a book to me that I'm really enjoying and it's getting Jake out of my mind. Not that I mind him there b/c I luffs him but if I wanted to move on to something new (which is what Maggie tells him... hrm...)

Ellipse...

So that's where things are. No new writing. No submissions. I should send out that Cole story. I think I have a final draft here. Yeah, maybe I'll do that. Damn I need a title. I think I'll call it "Ellipse."

Dot dot dot.

Last week I was busy putting Nine changes into the electronic ms. I felt very confident that I would get all my changes in in about a week and then I would pick it up and start writing on it again. I don't like it just sitting there. I like the story a lot and I like the MC. I even like writing in present tense (inside TC joke there).

Then on Thursday night Hawk was out (1) at a meeting and (2) playing D&D. So I had the kids downstairs, which is easiest, and I didn't want to play Sims or start a new story. So I looked on the computer and saw WS -- the rewrite I'd done in January 2007 (according to how I titled the file). So I thought, "Okay. I'll read a book."

Then I saw a change I wanted to make. Changed it. Kept reading. Another change. Then a line to cut. Then I'm thinking, "Ugh. Why does he keep using all these extra words?" So I start editing in earnest.

Because of his language, I felt distanced from Jake (the narrator) and I felt like I didn't get to know enough about his character. So I kept making cuts, mostly small ones. Then I got further in and I still felt like he was telling me too much and I wasn't learning about who he was. Now I'm getting frustrated.

So I get up to the scene where he goes for tea and it's like it clicks in that all of those things he's telling me in the beginning actually are telling me about him. I know what he notices and what he thinks is important and what he really has on his mind. Then when he goes for tea and Maggie gets him to open up some, I realized, "Okay, here's why he's been kind of a guarded narrator up to this point. Now someone else is making him show things about himself that he might not have wanted to show me (the reader) and he won't have any choice but to open up." I felt like a therapist with a client sitting across from me who wants to tell me things but wants me to chip away at his little layers.

I wondered if that might not be too much to ask of a reader, to stay tuned until we're 40 pages in.

Then I read Pt 2, wherein we switch narrators, styles and time periods. I really, really like that section and I like how it falls into the story. I admit, when I wrote it, I was concerned that the diary format was gimmicky but I forgot that I was reading a "diary" as I read it fresh last night. And yes, when I start to read part 2, I always read it in a day -- a sitting if I can.

I think structurally it hooks you out of part one and pulls you to the top of a hill and you just go with it and roll from there. The pace increases over part 2 and we learn a lot of things that, I think, reflect on and enhance Part 3 (where we go back to Jake and "present day"). I haven't reread Pt 3 yet; I'm doing that today. I need to get more of the stiffness out of Jake. I understand where he's coming from, based on how he would have had to present himself to people and the time when he lives. How he'd be guarded about his thoughts and emotions. But Seth (RFM) is the same way and he didn't hold back. I knew who he was on page 1. So I'm wondering if it really works: is it better to discover who your narrator is as the story unfolds or do you want to know who he is from the beginning? I think it depends on the story.

I'll let you know how part 3 goes and if my opinions change.

And then I'll get those Nine change fixed and then I'll probably dig into RFM again just because.

I finished making my changes to WS and put them on the electronic ms. I'm so much happier w/ WS now. Not that I was unhappy before but I felt I'd gone off on tangents that didn't stay close to the story I wanted to tell.

I really love the different ending & I like that there was that extra scene w/ Wilkes at the end. I always liked his character and the arc he followed but this feels more complete.

I also like Thaddea (I always did but I don't think other readers did) and the way she's written now, I can focus more on her and hopefully she's fleshed out more and might garner a little more sympathy. A little at all would be good.

Now I'm hand-editing RFM. I'm just about to the point where I began writing Jan 18. I should be done by this time next week.

Last night I was chatting w/ Jam and she asked me what it's about. I told her the basics of the opening and then I said "Stuff happens." I added that I'm bad with synopses. She said "stuff happens" is a good synopsis. Then I said, "Stuff stops happening and it's over."

Theryn wrote my WS synopsis, which was way, way better than anything I would have ever been able to do. I'm afraid that once she reads RFM, I'm going to have to ask that favor again. Last time in thanks, I got her a year membership to the Darwin Foundation. If she writes me up a RFM synopsis, I'll have to do something as well b/c I will be so overwhelmingly grateful.

I think I have a block against writing synopses. I have this mindset of "if I could tell you this story in two paragraphs, it wouldn't be a novel." Plus I have certain things I want to say with the story and I'm never sure if they come across. It's nice to know what other people get from it. Unfortunately the person who's read it that I could speak with most in depth has given me his review of "I liked it." He went so far as to add, "It made me miss State College." So I grabbed onto that and said, "So the setting is good? It's accurate? You got a sense of where things were and how things looked and were set up..." He's like, "Yeah."

He also liked the sex scenes. He said, "There's a lot of sex in it." I said, "Well yes there is but it's important to the story. Every time it happens, it has some kind of meaning." Then I counted and said there are six sex scenes. Hawk said, "Seven. Are you forgetting the guy in the truck?" Yes I was. I didn't think of it as a sex scene b/c Seth doesn't consider it as sex. Anyway, I did do some cutaways. I didn't show every single little thing (some "literary" sex). I had in mind something Theryn said when I took up knitting. I said to her that I would probably have characters now who knit (Thaddea took it up in the rewrite but we never see her do it). Then I said, "How do you describe knitting?" She said something like, "It's not about showing the knitting. It would be about the motion of the hands, the knitting project, how the knitting is part of the scene, etc." That's how I approached the RFM sex scenes. If something was important, I had to show it. I did some blocking and I tried to go inside Seth when he'd let me and when he stayed external, I did as well. I also tried to add some realistic details. Like I finished the dorm scene last night and I have the details about the narrow bed being right up against the wall (and the wall was always cold, ya know?) and the books falling off the shelves and stuff like that. None of the sex scenes are gratuitous. If I wanted that, I would just write an erotic short story.

Anyway, he also said, "There's a lot of drugs." Yes, there are a lot of drugs. Or a lot of one drug really. It's important too, when it shows up. It's never arbitrary when Seth decides to toke up or get drunk. Same as it's never arbitrary when he's working on his poems. I have a strong feeling Hawk read the story and that's what he took away: just the story. He made an edit note on his copy and he'd told me about it when he read it. He said, "I think you have the wrong sister's name in one place." Entirely possible. I said to mark it and I'd read it on my edit. Here's the line, from the August 1989 flashback chapter:

“Kristen,” I say, staring at the money. “He hurt Kristen. I don’t know where my mom and Jessica are. That bitch left Kristen behind.”

He thought the first two Kristens should be Jessica. That he thought that was a typo means he missed the entire impetus behind the scene, the crucial moment in the main character's life that influences the entire action of the story and the development of the character.

Here's the rub: at first, when I saw that correction last night, I thought "I didn't do my job." Then I realized that he wasn't reading it to get all of the literary stuff out of it. He read it (1) b/c I wanted him to (2) to see State College circa 1992 and relive his glory days (I don't think his college experience was much like mine, even in the same place) and (3) to read the sex scenes. I don't think it's saying anything too inappropriate that I had gone to bed when he stayed up to finish it and he came to bed "ready to celebrate." Sure, I'm happy that element of the book worked but I don't know if "horny" is the primary reaction I want from a reader.

When Erin said it made her cry, I was overjoyed (sorry Erin) b/c that meant I had done my job. That meant that I'd created multi-dimensional characters, showed her what happens to them and made her care about them. The only review Fredlet had for me was a spelling correction and "sell it." I assume she liked it.

I'm so needy and desperate. I just want someone to tell me that s/he got something out of it beyond the story, fell in love with a character, that I captured something perfectly... anything. Even "I liked the names" would be a boost to my ego.

The other reason for this post title is that once I finish my edit on RFM and I get fb from my writery friends (after the UPOP, of course), I'll start querying again. I posed the question on a related entry at Miss Snark (but I don't think it'll be answered) about whether to query two mss together or to query one and say "btw, I have another completed ms here waiting"). And then which do I query? Hawk refuses to read WS again; I don't know why. I told him it's all changed and I need the fb. He loved it the first time & had more to say about it than about RFM so I don't know why he's being a stubborn prick now except that he's just being a stubborn prick in general. I've told him there's sex in it and still... I say, "You could read Jake for me" and his response is always, "I already read Jake." I say, "But it's changed." He walks away.

I think he thinks RFM is about him (and he likes that). I know he does. Beyond the fact that he attended Penn State, grew up in a trailer and once held a baseball bat in a threatening way against Jed, the similarities end there. I'm more Seth than he is. I had to tell him just the other day, "You are not the bright, shining center of the universe." Seriously. Ugh. Yeah, there's more there than just the self-centered reading but this isn't the place for that rant.

Anyway, I have to write new synopses, which I suck at, and start querying again. I assume that the way to approach it would be to query RFM. I don't know which I have a better chance with. RFM is more me, more indicative of my style and the stories I want to tell from here on out (yes I have a new one in mind, vaguely) but I do think that WS would have a broader appeal, as I wrote before.  When it comes down to it, if someone said to me, "Will WS sell?" I would respond, "I think so. I hope so." If someone said to me, "Will RFM sell?" I would say, "Yes."

I might play around with this new idea but the main thing I want to do now is write some short stories and publish. I need fresher credits.

So that's where things stand, kind of whimpering in the corner and saying "Love me." ;)

I finished my edit on WS today. It's funny how much editing I'm doing on something I've rewritten eight times. Granted, the biggest changes are on the newest bits. The biggest faux pas was calling Thaddea by the wrong name in a scene that had been Delilah's. So long as Jake doesn't call her by the wrong name...

It's also funny how much I liked that character and now that she's gone, except for one scene, I don't miss her so much. It makes better sense, it's more focused and there's less to keep track of overall. I don't miss the Nan story or the details of the incident that got him sent to BT at all. Glad I cut those.

I'm pleased w/ the new ending. I'm not sure if Pt 4 needs to be “part 4.” I'll probably eliminate that and just make it a final chapter. It's less of a coda than it had been. It flows better. The only thing is that everything takes place over the course of five or six weeks and then this bit is months later. That would be the only reason to keep it a “part” instead of a “chapter.”

And now I'm going to indulge my vanity for a paragraph. I was reading that horrible book I reviewed in the previous entry while I was doing this edit. I finished Pt 2, which I love (esp the end of it), and I thought, “This is what I want to read. It doesn't matter really if I get this published or not. I love to read it, loved writing it and love rewriting it. My kids and grandkids will be able to read this.” I also thought that if someone could publish the dreck I'd been reading, surely I can find someone willing to sell this. And RFM.

It's been strange seeing the similarities in the stories. Apparently I have recurring themes and motifs (brothers/sisters, abandonment, returning, forgiveness, etc.). More on that later. I need to finish supper. Jake & Seth both get me hungry.

- Chapterize your short story
- Use a lot of exclamation points
- Tell us that "The downfall of the magazines and publishing companies who have previously rejected my work is that they didn't realize that no one can describe the high school experience quite like a seventeen-year-old high school junior can."
- Write a love poem all about love, love and love without showing it to us. Throw in moonlight and cats as well
- Whether writing a poem or a short story, use a checklist as your form
- Give three characters full names in the first paragraph (ex: Don Smith, Hazel James)
- Describe them a la a police blotter (flashed her blue eyes and flipped her chestnut hair, he was five foot ten and a half with rugged good looks)
- submit more than three poems (this is especially maddening when you give me four fantabulous poems and I want them all)
- do good work but tell a mediocre story
- have a great story but don't tell it very well
- cut your story off w/o warning when you near the word limit
- send us song lyrics and call it poetry (unless you are Bruce Springsteen or Sting; in that case, include nude photos for the editorial staff's enjoyment)

Other good ways to make the editors e-mail each other about you:

- submit artwork to a lit journal that doesn't accept it
- submit to a contest that hasn't opened yet (w/ "SUMMER" in the contest title no less!)
- point me to your self-written Wikipedia page

One of my writerly friends reading WS sent me a note yesterday. She was bored by part of the opening and she was apprehensive about telling me. Little did she know I'd already cut part of what bored her and was thinking oof cutting the rest.

Naturally I wrote back and said, "Are you crazy? It's perfect! Begone with thee!"

Heh.

I wrote back and told her that I was thinking of making the cut and asked her where she thought the cut could go. I said that the information used to be more important to the story but in rewriting it, I found that what is important I can tell when I need to.

So a minor kind of non-character (an influence more than a character), also got the axe. Originally he got the train, so... But anyway, he's nameless now but still has some influence on the action. In cutting the flashback about him, I did lose a little character development on Jake (maybe I can work it in elsewhere if I need to) but in making this character nameless, it gave greater power to his influence. That Jake doesn't know his name adds to his guilt about it. It works for me.

Of course I still have the excised bit if I need it but otherwise it was almost 5k snipped off. Since I'm adding more onto the end (have been working on that a day & a half now), I needed to free up those words.

So if you're questioning whether you should say "I'm bored" or similar, do it. You never know when the author might be thinking, "Does this bore them?" Just don't say, "My god this sucks."